I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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