Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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