I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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