I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
