Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
