He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
