Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
