I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
