Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
