everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
