may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
