Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
