i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
