and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
