I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
