Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
