I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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