Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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