They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
