apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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