I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
