I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My liver just broke up with me...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
