Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
