Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
