I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
