Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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