I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
