you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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