this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
