Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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