Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
