Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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