Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
