i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
