You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
