So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
