i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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