great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
