My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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