Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
