My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
