Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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