great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
