if you like me you must not know who I am
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
