it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
