i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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