Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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