Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
