You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
