We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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