I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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