That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What changed your mind?
Being sober
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
